THIS IS NOT THE QUICKEST WAY
Take the train to Stansted from Liverpool Street but only allow 5 minutes before you are due to check in. Spend 10 minutes looking for a member of staff (or 'Floor Walker'). Miss the flight and head back to Liverpool Street. Go to St. Pancras and buy a ticket to Paris Nord on Eurostar. If possible, book flights from Paris to Montpellier whilst on the train. Allow just one hour for your transfer from Paris Nord to the airport.
On arrival in Paris, head towards Charles De Galle airport.
Jump off the train and head back to Paris Orly airport instead, via Antony. On arrival at Antony, take the shuttle train to Orly.
On arrival at Orly, miss your flight by 10 minutes, watching it leave as you stand there. Buy a replacement ticket for a flight 4 hours from now.
Catch the late flight, arrive in Montpellier, and simply assume you know where you are going. Head straight into Montpellier, ignoring any signs you see, and drive straight for the centre, making sure you drive into the narrow one-way streets right in the heart of the city.
Once fully flustered, find a way out and drive to Montpeyroux, via Gignac. Arrive in the pitch black and bask in the glory of a job well done.
